Losing it.

I went hypomanic last month and am now suffering fallout. I had a great month. I got so much done, pictures organized, shelves cleaned and organized, clothes tried on and organized, organized, organized and organised! Then, as I couldn’t sleep, or relax, or stop my brain, and my body was breaking down from the constant physical and mental exertions, I called my shrink and she said to  up my mood stabilzer. But I didn’t want to up it too much, as it causes stupidity and dopyness and weight gain and a thousand other things. So I upped it enough to stop the busy, busy, busy of my body but my mind seems to just be getting worse. I am completely unstable emotionally.  I burst out crying or fall into a frantic rage over nothing. I punched the shit out of the fridge the other day cause I dropped my plate of food  (face down). I broke it off with my new boyfriend, said some unkind things to him, freaked out at my mother and stormed out, dropped a few friends, including one of over 20 years (for some felt slight), swore at hospital staff and have taken up drinking again. I’m thinking of running away up North and just disappearing from everyone’s life. I’m completely irrational and yet rational enough to know that. I probably should up my Seroquel more but ……Anyway, supposed to see my shrink next Tuesday. Will see if I last that long.

P.S. The hypomania caused me to drive myself physically so now my CFS is in major relapse, with swollen glands, sore throat, severely weakened limbs and constant exhaustion…so, yeah!