How I Experience Depression 

​ When I’m becoming  depressed I usually start off eating a lot of junk food, staring at the TV for hours, avoiding all phone calls, people and situations. I sleep 15-20 hours a day and don’t care. I don’t take care of my hygiene or eat or drink enough. I self medicate with benzodiazepines. And I obsess about everything in my past and worry constantly about the future. I get extremely irritable and anxious and sometimes quite agitated. I often think of overdosing several times a day.

 I do see a physiatrist but we can not seem to find the right meds since last year when my Paxil stopped working.  My depression always gets worse in the winter from having S.A.D, but I also suffer from bipolar depression, PTSD, and borderline personality disorder mood swings, plus have a chronic illness. It all adds up!!  How does your depression affect you? 

A Poem – by me : )

Isolation

Isolation

A Different World

The snow is gone

Time to move on

On and away

Further each day/

Wing away

Carried, buoyed,

Lifted by wind

Pursued by mediocrity/

Run and running

Fly, flee this trap

Fly away/

Over hills

Mountains

Valleys

                                                                               To a different world/

To a spot

Quiet and barren

To Sit 

Think/

Think of Nothingness

Think of blankness

Think of Insanity /

Quiet

Empty 

Towering bare faced rocks/

Surrounded by Earth

Mother Earth

Pebbles Dust/

Stretch, languish

Lie

Cradled

Listening to the Silence

Of my own mind/

Listening to the Silence

Of the rocks and dirt

Absorb the sun/

Wait here forever

While the mind rots

And blanks

And the quiet speaks/

I am one

Alone/

Dirt sun rock

Impassive around me

While I slowly go Insane/

Then fly away

To a different world

©Desdemonad

A Different World

 

©PAUL COATES

©PAUL COATES

The snow is gone
Time to move on
On and away
Further each day

Wing away
Carried, buoyed,
Lifted by wind
Pursued by mediocrity

Run and running
Fly, flee this trap
Fly away

Over hills
Mountains
Valleys

To a different world

To a spot
Quiet and barren
To Sit
Think

Think of Nothingness
Think of blankness
Think of Insanity

Quiet
Empty
Towering bare faced rocks
Surrounded by Earth
Mother Earth
Pebbles Dust

Stretch, languish
Lie
Cradled
Listening to the Silence
Of my own mind

Listening to the Silence
Of the rocks and dirt
Absorb the sun

Wait here forever
While the mind rots
And blanks
And the quiet speaks

I am one
Alone

Dirt sun rock
Impassive around me
While I slowly go Insane

Then fly away
To a different world