Adrenal insufficiency 

​It seems a lot of my current symptoms turned out to be related to my Addison’s, not my CFS or depression alone. I increased my hydrocortisone from 20 mg to 40 mg and feel completely different. Normally this is the ‘stress’ dose used when the body has an infection, Injury etc., but I’m staying on it for awhile, until my adrenals recover. 

When my cortisol is too low, it means my adrenals are not producing enough. The most common symptoms are severe fatigue, loss of appetite, weight loss, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, muscle weakness, irritability, and depression. These are the exact things I’ve been having but I just thought it was my CFS acting up, an infection, seasonal depression and a stomach flu. Now all my symptoms are gone.

I’ll be seeing my endocrinologist in March. We need to get my dose straightened out so this doesn’t happen again. What a waste I didn’t realize sooner.


Guilt and Shame

A good, concise piece from a fellow blogger, who suffers from CFS and depression, about the feelings of guilt and shame many of us live with.


The Fight Against Myself

Having an invisible illness brings a lot of judgement and opinions from others and a lot of time it’s negative and hurtful.  Living with Depression and Chronic Fatigue is hard enough as it is without other people making me feel worse about something I cannot change.

Before my Fiancé met me, he had never met someone affected by depression and anxiety and I think it shocked him to see how much it affected me.  He didn’t understand Depression and it took a while for him to get used to the condition but he made the effort to learn about it and support me as much as possible.  The anxiety was hard for him to deal with because he is such an outgoing person who loves to socialise and it caused a lot of stress in the relationship but we both eventually learned how to compromise and he learned my boundaries and…

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Pacing is so hard. I only know too well. I spent my  first 5  years with CFS  driving myself beyond even what a healthy person would.  I was in complete  denial and thought the more I forced myself that it would go away. Of course, it just became worse and worse and make my CFS chronic and severely ingrained.   

Since then I struggle heavily with trying to pace myself. I just can’t seem to do it. I get really, really overexcited when I’m stimulated in any way, like listening to good, upbeat music, etc.  In company I  I get so overexcited I wear myself right out and  crash for days and am tired for weeks after. Overactive sympathetic nervous system they say. Kinda a constant  fight or flight thing. Neurons firing in a frenzy.

So for me to pace myself I need a very calm, routine, almost hermit like life so that my energy can  stabilize. Once my CFS become stable (my baseline) I can then work on slowly building myself up.

Too bad I have to choose between having a life, going out, visiting, and just having fun, or a quite, lonely, but paced life, where I don’t constantly crash. I swing between these two poles all the time.

I really have to master the pacing strategy before its too late, before I get worse and worse. I find I’m getting worse as I get older. I am becoming weaker, have no endurance, and need to sleep/rest more and more, after doing less and less.

I guess this means I’ll have to lean far to the more lonely side of life for maybe a year.  And also learn to better control and calm my nervous system through meditation, mindfulness etc., which I take classes for.  Then I can slowly start exposing myself to, and hopefully withstanding, more outside stimulation without it making me crash. Wow. This is a huge long post. Sorry.  Hope it makes sense.


Walking to Pace 

​Walked 6 days this week. Only 5 minutes at a time but it is a start. Today I can increase to 6 minutes each walk. Feels stupid to set my timer for 3 minutes, walk till it beeps, then turn around, but if I just keep on going till I’m tired, I have an extraordinarily hard time getting back.  Then I spend 3 days in bed and  there’s no walks. 

So by pacing myself like this I get out every day. Dr’s orders….pace,  pace, pace. Build up very slowly. Be patient. I did miss one day as I was badly crashed from tramping through the woods. Mostly walking at night which I love….and so bright last night from the supermoon. It was magical.


Detox off prescription drugs and alcohol

Jan 25 2015

I am going into inpatient detox on Tuesday morning.   They say how long I stay (2 or 3 weeks) will depend on how i cope with withdrawal.  After withdrawal there is a 1 week program on keeping sober which i can attend or they might decide (we together that is) if a 28 day inpatient detox would be helpful.  I’d like to keep an up to date running commentary on my detoxification/withdrawal but we have no use of electronics of any sort, so instead i will journal daily and when I’m allowed back on line I will post these reports, 2 or 3 days worth, or even just 1 day if it was a long entry.  So keep your eyes out!!  Here is a link to all my drugs I take, some are valid medical prescriptions, the ones I abuse and need to detox off of are: K-pins (clonazepam), Serax, Baclofen, Seroquel, Flexeril, Lyrica,and Alcohol.  I was checking all the interactions on a medical site and i will definitely O.D. if i don’t stop.  Wish me luck!


Getting mad, frustrated, anxious. My CFS has been in a slump for ages. My significant other says I’m losing the battle against fatigue, but I don’t like to think of it as a battle but more of a cold war. I’m just trying to establish some neutral ground and call a truce.

Step Counting and Puppies



I have gotten a puppy recently, 12 days ago, and I decided to wear my pedometer all day to see how much more I move around with having to walk and exercise the puppy.  Too much it seems. Getting so tired, weary and worn feeling now, especially since I’m winding down now from the Abilify affects, and I’m getting dozy and lazy from the Seroquel.  Often I skip it, it’s too sedating, especially since I’m supposed to take a clonazepam at the same time. I can’t afford to be all sleepy and drugged out with a puppy.

I must say I really loved the Abilify for its stimulating effect, even if it felt like I was on uppers. I knew that month-long hypo-mania caused by the Abilify would catch up to me. Anyway, now I measure my total distance a day on my ped, moving about the house, yard, walks etc., Walking the puppy and general activity brings me just under a mile a day (wearing my pedometer religiously – 0.9 miles last week) on average. 1 mile a day doesn’t sound like much I know, but for me, who used to get in maybe 250 to 700 steps a day (on a good day), it’s absolutely fantastic. My weekly step average last week was 2367.5 steps, while this week i did 2640.9 steps (1 mile). That’s about a 10% increase (0.9 miles to 1 mile).

Judging on how i felt yesterday and today though (drained, wiped, weak), I may have to drop it back and keep it more around 2450 steps this week and see if I’m less tired. I might just be moving up to fast. You’re supposed to work up to 10,000 steps a day or 4 miles roughly. I want to do this but might have to make my way a bit slower than other people, maybe a 1 or 2% increase a week, even 5%, instead of 10% all the sudden.

Plus the puppy went swimming the other day and I went in with him, and the current was strong and I was wearing a full length cotton gown and fell may times so soaked myself through, so I found that very draining. Well, off I go to Halifax., I certainly don’t feel like it, feel like I need to sleep 12 hours, but I’m supposed to meet with the day hospital people, so it’s pretty important I’m sure to show up if I want in.  They may even give me a date to start.  Should be interesting, I’ll let you know how it goes. TTFN