Guilt and Shame

A good, concise piece from a fellow blogger, who suffers from CFS and depression, about the feelings of guilt and shame many of us live with.

 

The Fight Against Myself

Having an invisible illness brings a lot of judgement and opinions from others and a lot of time it’s negative and hurtful.  Living with Depression and Chronic Fatigue is hard enough as it is without other people making me feel worse about something I cannot change.

Before my Fiancé met me, he had never met someone affected by depression and anxiety and I think it shocked him to see how much it affected me.  He didn’t understand Depression and it took a while for him to get used to the condition but he made the effort to learn about it and support me as much as possible.  The anxiety was hard for him to deal with because he is such an outgoing person who loves to socialise and it caused a lot of stress in the relationship but we both eventually learned how to compromise and he learned my boundaries and…

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So discouraged

I’m not having an easy time lately. My mental health is iffy with a lot of anxiety, for months now, and depression setting in pretty hard this week. I’m in constant pain because of my back and something is going on with my CFS/ME. I’m completely drained and mostly bedridden. Because of this I missed three physiotherapy sessions, plus one of my DBT coping skills classes.

I’m so very, very frustrated .  I have no answers. I just have to try to hold on, rest, get to physiotherapy and class when I’m able, and wait till January 10th to see my psychiatrist for possible solutions to lessen this gnawing anxiety and boost my mood a bit. Having my paxil poop out on me after 10 years has created a real disruption in my mood and trying all these new drugs has been a year long, not to successful trial.

My suicidal idealisation is becoming stronger each day as I feel I’m just too worn out to keep trying. If the thoughts get too strong I’ll have to go to the hospital, but I really don’t even have the motivation to deal with all that shit. Hours and hours waiting and I’m usually told there is no space, so they just increase my meds and tell me to go home. I’m just so tired of it all. I only keep going for my family. I’ll end this on a note of gratitude for them, the support they give me, the love and understanding .